In Which The Rule Book Is Flapping In The Wind
by CHAILYN
Summary: This is a spoof/roast of sorts of Twilight and Supernatural. I really can't explain it.


Title: **In Which The Rule Book Is Flapping In The Wind**

Disclaimer: Neither Supernatural nor Twilight belong to me.

Note: This is just a short spoof based off of a fandom battle between my sister and me. If anyone seems to like it (I.e. reviews and thinks I should try my hand at this again) I might do some more. Oh, and for anyone who hasn't read the _**Twilight series, spoilers abound.**_

_**--**_

"Wait one minute," Dean held up a hand to stop the explanations that seemed to be coming from all ends. He was surrounded by crazy people. "You lost me."

For real-he had thought the angels and demons were bad but that was before he was surrounded by werewolves _"we're not werewolves, we're shape shifters!", _and a pretty, and manic depressive piece of jail bait, and a vampire that he'd sell his soul to screw if-well, if he had any left to sell and she'd stop trying to blind him with her freaking sparkling deal.

These vampires were a real freaking piece of work and it pissed him off that they didn't follow any of the rules…short of eating people. And least they did one thing right.

"Dude, you always are." Sam sighed, he swore, if his brother could stop looking at this girl's chest and actually pay attention they could get out of this crazy town before Dean ended up in jail for having sex with several attractive teenaged girls.

"Like you know what's going on here?" Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother.

"Excuse me?" The Native American boy slash werewolf slash shape shifter looked from Sam to Dean. "Who are you people, again?"

He positioned himself in front of the girl, and Dean decided the kid was a friggin' liar. There was no way in hell this guy was a supposed kid. He was taller than Sam, and had biceps like a steroid pusher.

Dean raised his Colt and smirked. "Hunters-sorta like your people except we use guns instead of our, you know, teeth."

"And um-I'm sorry…" Sam looked at the girl that the boy-what had him name been again? Jason? Jared? No… "You were jumping off the cliff why again?"

"Recreation." The boy retorted.

"For the suicidal, yeah." Dean snorted, "Small towns and crazy people…always goes together."

"Jacob." The girl's voice-Bella, Dean always remembered the girls' names-was low. "Jacob, we should go."

Jacob looked back at her. "On the contrary. You guys…should be the ones going. This is Quelliete territory, we do our own hunting in these parts, and we don't need your…guns." Jacob laughed, "Which, are basically useless…by the way."

Dean snorted. "Kid, these bullets are compounded dead mans blood…vampire hunters best friend."

"Maybe in a movie." Jacob snorted. "Only way to destroy and vampire is to rip them to shred and burn the pieces."

Bella seemed to make a small sound from behind her instated protector. Sam decided that at the very least he didn't need to worry about Dean sleeping with this seventeen year old. This kid could totally take Dean. However, he'd sooner sleep with a truck stop hooker before he told Dean that one. It was less dangerous.

"Since the hell when?" Dean challenged, "Man, you know there are rules to this hunting thing? What is wrong with this damn town? Cut the damn things heads off, next, repeat."

"Not quite that easy." Jacob told them. "And you two…" He chortled, "They'd eat you alive. You're no match for some vampires."

Dean would be damned. This kid was one cocky son of a bitch, he wouldn't mind letting Ruby taking a stab at him…The psychic wonder was right, she was good for somethings…sometimes. And she was hot…she was definitely hot. Dead or not…he still hadn't kicked the dirty fantasies of threesomes with Ruby and Bela-Ha! Bella and Bella…

Dean snickered….he wondered what it would be like to sleep with girls who had the same name…at least he wouldn't get in trouble for getting the names wrong.

"You know what kid," Dean laughed at the wanna be fierce look that crossed his face. "You worry about getting your cherry popped and your curfew and we'll take care of the vampires, huh?"

Jeez, the sooner they got out of this town the better, there were way too many tempting under-eighteens for his personal safety.

"Jacob, no!" Bella pulled on the boy's hand. "Lets just go, its not with it Jake…"

"Listen to your girlfriend kid." Dean rolled his eyes, what was it with teenagers and the over dramatics? He was glad that his life was so much more realistic.

"Dean!" Sam hissed trying to step in between his ever mocking brother and the kid that towered over him. And since the hell when were people taller than him? Freaky ass town. "Lets not antagonize-"

"Teen wolf?" Dean smirked. "I'm supposed to be afraid of the american werewolf."

Sam said a short and silent prayer, where in the name of all that was holy was Cas when they needed him?

"Shut up." Sam gave him brother a push in the direction of the Impala.

"Dude, the town in called Forks…its named after a utensil-whats the capital of the state, Tine?" Dean laughed, and Sam started to hope that his brother was drunk.

"Dean, we're in Washington. The capital is Seattle."

Dean ignored his reply.

"Lets just get the cheeky red head and get the hell out-No!" Dean turned to look at Sam. "After we get the vampire, we're jumping off of a cliff!"

Sam sighed, and rolled his eyes. "You're not a manic depressive teenage girl, Dean, you can't do that."

Dean looked at him with a frown. "Says who?"

Sam had to fight back a laugh, this town made his brother's arguments even worse.

"Dean," Sam used the very patient, my brother is an obnoxious two year old voice. "If you stay away from the cliff, I'll give back your camera so you can make a sex tape with the next set of twins."

Dean's eyebrows raised. "You will?"

Sam nodded his head, god knew he'd regret this.

"British twins?" Dean asked, "I can have British twins that sound like Hermione Granger, and that hot chick from titanic?"

Sam sighed again. If only Dean realized what he gave up to keep him alive.

"Yes."

Dean whooped. "Goodbye backwoods utensils!"

Dean slid into his seat and closed the door behind him. It wasn't until Dean started the car, and Sam was buckling his seat belt that he heard his brother talk again.

"You think my sex tape will be better than Paris' and Pam's?"

Sam decided that at the next motel he was disabling his internet and putting his computer on a password.

"Of course it will be."

Dean snickered. "I'm so much hotter than her, aren't I?"

Sam wondered if death was too much to as for.

"Hotter than who?"

"Paris." Dean chuckled. "I'm hotter than Paris Hilton, aren't I?"

Sam felt a little ill to admit that unfortunately, his brother was hotter than Paris Hilton.

"Yeah Dean…" Sam chocked back the rise of bile. "You're hotter than Paris Hilton."

Damn! This was a really weird town.


End file.
